This time I drew @kimbles from @bitchesofbagrule ’s character Rhos the Orcelf Bard Paladin with Riolu’s future tiefling daughter, Paupricosh. She’s trans, and her daddy helped her transition.

Without Rhos inspiring me to make Riolu they way he is, Paupricosh would’ve never been born. So we are humbly grateful to him and to his Creator @kimbles.
And like everyone else in the multiverse, Paupricosh just adores Rhos.

New Hashtags from Always The Weird Ones

My friends and I just had a session that finished about an hour ago, and a few Hashtags formed as a a result.
#dumbshadow (Sunshadow has Grog levels of dumbness on occasions, just less refined. Will explain later)
#staabdab (Staab decided to dust off a dead meme and dabbed after each success, to the cringe of everyone)
#applecare (first thing Riolu does when healing someone either physically or mentally is give them an apple from his Treant father Guru)

The Diaries of Riolu Ungart: Part 7; Kobolds and Dreams

Upon exiting the sewers, we find the town with a population of 4,000 was now vacant. Upon further investigation, only organic beings were taken. Golems, salt, and the like were left unaffected. I took a salt shaker, and Sunshadow put a lit candle on his right shoulder. Staab looked down on us for this, as he found it dumb.

We found these glowy-purple crystals all around town, but were distracted by a short figure in a hooded cloak with a limp. We tailed him and discovered he was a red Kobold with a slew of various coloured powders. Each powder resisted a different type of damage (red resisting fire, yellow resisting radiant, etc.).

We questioned him about his role in the missing people, and he just kept trying to get away. We realized we weren’t getting anywhere, so we just stealthily followed him as he met up with another of his friends. The red and blue kobolds led us into a gauntlet town that was full of traps. Rolling boulders, swinging logs, lighting that FRIED ALL 16 OF MY GIANT OWLS AS SOON AS THEY CAME OUT WHAT BS IS THIS?!?!?!

After spending 20 minutes trapped behind a gate (we just needed to lift up), we ran into the kobold and his 4 friends.

Staab dropped to 0 hp TWICE that battle, taking one of my Cure Wounds and Sunshadow’s healing pool.

Just as we were about to take down the kobolds, one of their mages teleported them away before their leader could go down.

We went back to town, still empty. Sunshadow and Staab went to an Inn, but I had another idea. The crystal called to me, and I did my long rest next to it. That was my first mistake.

Diaries of Riolu Ungart mini summary: part 6.

Sunshadow jumped to the second story of a building, scared a scholar, jumped down, didn’t stick the landing.

Sunshadow broke his foot and temporarily replaced it with a javelin.

We went to a guild with a bunch of shops. I bought a bag of weird plants, a bottle of Absinthe, and a pretty rapier.

We began escorting a lady to the next town through MORE DEAD WOODS.

Strange noise in the woods. Couldn’t discover.

The lady was a succubus and accidentally turned us on one another.

We finished escorting her, and got a job getting rid of a hag in the sewers.

Riolu got a set of Marvellous Pigments.

The Diaries of Riolu Ungart: Part 5; Reunion

For the following month after the party split, I spent some time traveling around the Fey Isle in the Outlands, searching for I don’t even know what. I met some people, was betrayed by those people, and moved on. I ended up going back home for a while, until I received a mental message from the King’s sorcerer, telling me to go to a place called ”Metalville”, and was given a map to follow. So I dusted off my gear and bid farewell to by home once more to begin my travels anew.

Once I arrived in Metalville, I learned something important. The wilderness was dead there. No flowers. No clean water. Putrid air. The town had been too heavily polluted for even the highest of Druids to cleanse. The pollution was so bad that importing became the only means to provide any food and water to it’s denizens. It continues to make me sick how poorly this place has been cared for.

Luckily, my indegestion was short-lived as I soon saw a familiar person from among the golems. Good ol’ Sunshadow stood in the streets holding a red and black garbed person with noodle-like limbs by the ankle, dangling him as the man just smiled. I ran over as quickly as I could to my old friend as he dropped the man and gave me a big hug. The King tried to reunite the old group for a new mission, and him and I were the only ones to show up.

We entered that Metalville’s Laughing Tongue to find a population of the hardier races (ie Dwarves, Goliaths, Orcs, etc.) and golems, the only ones capable of surviving this harsh environment. Everyone is making merry except for one middle-aged man, whom was somber over his mug of ale. The red and black man (whom now I know is named Staab) went over to him and did a masterful performance with his daggers, earning the applause of the tavern as well as some tips. The man stayed sullen. Staab then apparently decided that this sullen man deserved to die, and (unsuccessfully) attacked him. The man caught Staab’s arm in mid-thrust, turned around, and angrily said “What the hells do you think you’re doing!?”. Staab just laughed and responded “Dunno”. That still doesn’t sit right with me.

By this time Sunshadow goes over and apologizes, then asks him why he’s so sullen. The man (named Deven) tells us how there have been disappearances in Metalville, and this time it was his wife and 2 kids. There have been puddles of weird yellowish goo left behind, leading to the speculation of foul play. Everyone who went out searching for the missing townsfolk went missing as well. This was why the king summoned us to Metalville, to figure out what keeps happening to everyone. We were pointed to a trail of the goo (sun dried) leading into a forest of dead trees and we went on our way. Staab kept following us…

As we traveled through the woods, Staab made a remark how we should just burn down the forest to make out search easier. I bonked him on the head with the dull end of my quarterstaff to hopefully knock some sense into him, but he just got up and laughed. (I’m really uncomfortable with him around). 

After a while, we noticed that it felt like we were being watched. We went on guard and were soon ambushed by a group of Gnull, with the leader being twice the size. Staab daggered, Sunshadow smited with the power of his gods, and I simply used the Brown Bear form. We took them down, the leader laughing while coughing up his own blood, acting as if we’ve made a big mistake before finally dying by Sunshadow’s Sun Blade (Sunshadow ended up bringing his body with us).

At the end of the trail we found what looked like a cave with the yellow goo on all sides, even the floor. Not wanting to step in that gunk without testing it first, we tied a coil of rope around the deceased Gnull leader and made quite the morbid yo-yo. When he touched the gunk, he started disintegrating immediately. Sunshadow took one of his javelins and poked it. The metal was unaffected. I was lifted to Sunshadow’s left shoulder and Staab to his right. I cast “Dancing Lights” to guide our way.

We came to a fork in our path littered with the remains of various creatures. Not knowing which way to go, I Wild Shaped into an Acid Bug. Sunshadow then threw me down one way (too hard in fact, and I almost face planted into the wall). It was a dead end, but so was the other path. I used my “Acid Spray”, and the goo dissolved instantly. We continued down, facing zombie like creatures from the goo the entire way.

We arrived to a large room with a large, misshapen face on the wall.

“Welcome fools”, it said with glee, “to your grave. I’m sure you’ll be delicious.”

The room attacked us with humanoids and tentacles made from the ooze. The Sun Blade+”Divine Smite” disintegrated the goop just as easily as my acid spray. Sunshadow’s aura protected us from being absorbed ourselves.

That’s when I noticed 3 people stuck to the ceiling of the cave.  A mother and two children. The creature put out a huge grin as they started falling. I flew up with haste and quickly transformed into a giant crab, catching the two children in my claws and the mother on my back. I fell straight onto the goo, expecting to be dissolved any moment. I was fine. The goo couldn’t digest my exoskeleton. I held onto them, protecting them, until the beast was killed, gurgling and screeching as it sublimated into nothingness. After exiting the cave, I treated their wounds the best I could, but will probably always remain permanently scarred.

We took them back to the tavern to find Deven. He, his wife, and their son immediately perked up and embraced. All except for the little girl. She kept her somber expression, no matter what we tried.

I left them with a basket of apples from my home as we went onward.